UGH!!!!!!!!!!!! jesus christo!

jesus tap dancing christ!  the time between the last call was only 16 minutes!  16 MINUTES!!!!

so when i am out of the country on my vacation BOSS has this joke of a list of demands that i have to put together (which will probably take all week to put together so forget getting any real work done) so he can make sure there won't be "any fires!" well honey, let me tell you, if there was a fire caused by grease, you'd throw water on it uh-kay!?

i, like a fool, was generous enough to let him know that i will attempt to check my personal email while away but will not be logging into our network.  he jumps on me "oh, you aren't taking a laptop?  you should get a internet phone so you can call from anywhere" - i chimed up and reminded him that this will be a no-worky vacation.  i was simply letting him know as to set him a ease that should anything happen he can email me and i'll get back to him if i am able to.

WHY DO I BOTHER??? please please please note:  don't ever offer to do anything more than you need to at work.  especially when you are not happy and have a superior who reminds you of "our different social class" and nothing you do it ever going to be good enough.  

just don't do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Monday!

i just realized this friday is the 13th again.  how unlucky is that?!

so today started out as the usual shitty-monday: late to work, tired (especially from the time change), cold...

...add me spilling my coffee down the front of me in the car and getting here in work clothes so tight i can't breathe, only to find out it's a "daylight savings casual day!" - i can bet there will be an episode of the office soon with this subject.  it's becoming a phenomenon!  (not the daylight savings thing, but any reason to have a casual day in a business attire environment).

when BOSS isn't in the same office as me, he calls me every god damn 20 minutes to ask me what i'm doing, what am i working on, what did i do since the last time we spoke  -  oh!  you mean 20 f*ckin minutes ago when you asked me the same god damn question???  "not much." 

i hate that i have nothing to say when he asks that.  but the reality is, he'll ask, and i'll start telling him literally what i've been doing "writing an email campaign and putting together a list to send out to new leads" only to get cut off "stop, i want to hear about something good that can bring in money" - riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.  marketing is just filler work.  i totally forgot.

i am going on vacation next week (so you won't see anything after this week until the 25th of march) and i have a list of things that are really about nothing that needs to be done before i go.  it is this B.S. that wastes so much of my time to where i can never get anything done.  we have meetings about our meetings.  i make lists about lists.  i have to update him on the calls that he knows i have to make, the lists i need to list, and find time to have a meeting about a meeting about nothing!

anyone remember seinfeld?  well, i've downloaded the theme song to the show and whenever i am called into a meeting i play it in my office while i am away.  some of the comments by passerby's have been awesome.  at least i am not alone.

cheers.

Tuesday afternoon delight

i am so ready to blow a gasket right now!!!!!!  not 20 minutes, 20 MINUTES  after having to "see him", he calls me in to have ANOTHER F*CKIN MEETING!

this time it's to tell me that i should finish packing and get over to the new office space within a day or so.  umm, hello!  the plan was next week.  i have goodbye lunches, things i want to do on the westside, and stuff to wrap up in this office.  oh, but "there is no need for you to be here" - well shit, there is no need for me to be in any office. 

my job is all online and on the phone.  it's so lame.  this drive is bad enough.  now it's going to be more than double the miles and three times the commute time.  

GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009 - sometime after lunch

as i've said before it's rare these days to go out of the office for lunch let alone eat lunch.  so when i do, i make the most of it. 

today two of my friends and i went to the mall (to not reveal real-life, i will refer to the mall as that rhymes with lenchury mitty) for lunch.  oh boy very exciting.  i mean, i continued packing up my office, met with a financial advisor in the building of all places, and then off to lunch.

when i get back, there was the usual note on my desk (see picture) because apparently the two emails, two voicemails, and the verbal "see me" when i saw BOSS in the hall wasn't enough.

it must be tough when you get older.  when you hit retirement age but can't just let go of work.  even though you aren't needed anymore at the office.  you are treated poorly and yet still desire to keep coming into the office to do what? 

wait.  am i talking about him or me now?  hard to tell.  i just confused myself because you can apply this to BOSS or myself.

shit.

ARG...ARG...ARG...

give me a break already.  should i wonder what's up when boss says that i need to list all of the things i know before i go on vacation next week?

like, how to handle new clients, how to process payments, how to set up the database, how to manage the websites, how to do a podcast, how to edit a webinar, how to set up a company in quickbooks, etc, etc, etc???

really???????????

i joked and said "see, there is so much that goes on here and you have no idea.  now you know that things run smoothly for a reason" - and he goes "i think it's just a reason for you to have job security." - hmm, maybe that should be the quote for today.

Mid-morning snack i think not!

didn't get a chance to have my green tea and low-cal yogurt today.  i shit-you-not i would copy and paste my phone log into this post if it wasn't confidential just so you can see how many god damn times he's called me this morning.  keep in mind he is two doors down.

there is NOTHING to talk about!  he's bored.  and when he is bored he bugs me.   i made a comment because a friend of mine is working on a logo for me as a favor, and BOSS keeps hounding me for it.  i said "well, his boss is on him every second and he has to do it on the D-L." he replies "she is standing over him every second?  she is that annoying?" to which i replied "well, that's what happens when your boss won't leave you alone.  you can't get any work done!"

today is one of those days where i feel like my head is going to explode.  and i am not even hungover!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday Morning JOY!

back in the office today.  i walked in to my almost packed up office and wanted to cry.  it was so depressing.  the fact that i have to move to a part of town i despise and have to do it all myself wasn't what frustrated me.  

it was the fact that it's the first day of the month (work-wise) and i landed a new client within one hour of being in my office.  $3000 for an hours presentation, on a whim, unprepared.  BOSS was surprised by rather have something nice to say calls me into his office.

i go in.  he tells me to shut the door (you would think that is bad, but he will insult you with or without the door being closed.  BOSS starts right in:

1)  i hope your little vacation on friday isn't the start of the old you.  you were doing so good.  i'd hate to see you calling in sick every week now. (um, a year ago i was sick and on the verge of a mental breakdown and took a week off).  i have so much vaction time but can never take it.  oh, but i am losing that anyway... - that's a whole 'nother blog topic i'll save for later in the week.

2) couldn't find this clients' info.  i went through all of your stuff in your office and i am concerned because i did find this, he says.  he pulls out something that i was working on for an outside charity.  "i hope you don't spend all day doing stuff that isn't work related" - i did tell him that that was personal, not for him to have in his possession.  i admitted that it was something i was doing on my lunch time since i don't leave my office for lunch.  i don't even eat lunch because i get more and more crap piled on me.  for some reason, he doesn't seem to think running a company is enough to do.

i digress.

so he gives me the weekly list of things i need to finish up on and update him on and then go back to my office.  it's so depressing.  i can't stand it.

PIECE OF WORK!

Okay okay Friday I called in sick because, well, I was sick!  Sick of work!  Sick from the number of martini's from the night before.  You name, I was just sick.

BOSS only called me three times Friday.  He must have been too busy to worry about me.  But that's alright.  He just calls every hour just to make sure I am working every single second of the day, and forget going to lunch!  A good employee, er, emtrepreneur doesn't prioritize lunch when there is money to be made. 

(Funny, he goes to lunch everyday right at noon and if you saw him, you'd see that he eats everything on his plate)

I got out of bed at 5 pm friday and returned his call.  Naturally i was expected to handle a client concern so to avoid having to hear how irresponsible I am for being too sick to answer the phone, I dealt with it.  

No appreciation.  Nil.

Happy Friday.  (even though it's monday today)

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 - 11:10 am

so today BOSS made a comment that wasn't exactly mean towards me, well, he did but that is going to be another post.  anyway, in the main kitchen, one of the managers puts her fresh breast milk that she pumps all day in her office in the freezer for all to see.

well, it appears some of the milk has spilled and has frozen over.  it hasn't been cleaned up.  now going on two weeks.

neither here nor there.

so today BOSS says "some days the milk is white and some days the milk yellow.  i wonder if it's because the days it's white, the white woman is in the office and when it's yellow the asian girl is pumping." - it is true the asian woman's milk is more yellow.  but who cares!

just had to vent on that one.  such a pig comment.

cheers

Thursday, February 19, 2009 - 10:15 am

so not only do i have to run a company and try to please the CEO day in and day out, the pig always says if i run into a problem to let him know since "he has all the knowlegde and i don't" - (actual words)

this morning i was on the phone with a client and she was having an accounting problem with her financial reports.  so i went online to see her computer and try to help her out.  going WAY behind my normal duties but always try to make the client/customer happy (something BOSS has yet to understand).

i couldn't figure out a specific calculation so i called him and asked if he could join the meeting and i'll transfer the call to him and i'll come in his office so we can work on it together.  fine.

so being his usual rude self, the poor woman is trying to ask a question and all he says is "stop.  stop.  stop.  you aren't listening.  are you listening to me?  why are you making your life so much harder.  you should be doing it this way." - umm, ya okay.  he's never talked to this woman or met her and is telling her how to run her company and how to do her company budget.  whatevs.

during the call i said that we needed to check a specific programming issue because it was something i couldn't duplicate and he said to me "shut up.  you don't know what you are doing.  that's why you brought me into this." keep in mind we have the client on speaker.  she chimes in and says "oh, he actually did go over this with me and he was a big help." to which he replies "well obviously not a big enough help or i wouldn't be involved."  

there was PURE SILENCE!

eventually the call ended and she thanked us.  then he starting shuffling through papers on his desk as i was talking to him.  he didn't hear a word i said.  standing there, i said "are you listening to me?" and he says "no.  not a word.  i'm busy.  don't you have some revenue to generate?"

fade to black...

Wednesday, February 18, 2009 - 1:30 pm

Personal Space!

Ya, you know that thing where you're like, standing in line at the grocery store and someone is standing right behind you like they want a piggyback? Well, I get back from a lovely leisure lunch and walk through the village today and bring my lunch back to eat in my office. WITH THE DOOR CLOSED. WITH A SIGN SAYING "LUNCH, DO NOT DISTURB!"

Well you probably guessed it. He gets back early from his lunch and just barges into my office "what's going on anything?" Ya dick, I am trying to eat my sandwich!

Does this sort of shit only happen to me?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009 - 10:50 am "Riddle me this batman"

when your boss calls you on the phone at 10:50 am from his office two doors over and asks you what's going on, and you say same ol', and he says he is leaving for a meeting and will be back late in the afternoon, why would he come into my office not two minutes after calling me to ask the same god damn question?

and what kills me about that is he walks right up behind my desk (personal space anyone?) and his belly nudges my shoulder and is looking at my computer sceens while i am talking to him. ugh. so gross.

the good lord rescue me......

From a contributor...

thanks h to the ngu for this one:

When you have an 'I Hate My Job Day'                            

                                                                            

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the      

thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson &  

Johnson.  Be very sure you get this brand.                

  

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the  

phone so you will not be disturbed.                    

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.  

                

Open the package and remove the thermometer.                

Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not    

become chipped or broken.                        

Now the relief part begins.                        

                                                                            

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully.  You will  

notice that in small print there is a statement:              

                                                                            

'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized.'                          

                                                                            

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,            

'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson &Johnson.'                          

                                                                            

HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE REAR THAN YOURS!  

Friday, February 13th, 2009 - 9:37 am

OH NO! Friday the 13th!  done done done

So BOSS rings me as he usually does in the morning and forgets that he didn't hang up the phone.  So I check my voicemail and i hear him talking to someone about "the set of tits on her.  you can hold her legs and i'll shove her head down there." - Now I know he wasn't talking about his wife.

I digress.

He is in a poopie mood today because he had to drive into the office and had a lunch in beverly hills, which was cancelled.  He's telling me this on the phone and says "well shit, now my days ruined.  you want to have lunch with me?  It's not like you have anything better to do." 

I agreed to have lunch because a) i don't have lunch plans b) it's casual day so i am more comfortable and can eat more and c) i told him i would if he pays.

Oh goodie, he must have heard me typing from his office cause now i am being summoned.   I wonder when the black cat will cross my path?

Thursday, February 12, 2008 - 10:46 am

Okay so the comment of the day is: 

"If you want to get ahead in life, you need to just pick up the phone.  That's what my son does.  It's what I do.  For some reason you are afraid to talk to people.  I have been begging you to do this for a long time and I don't get it!  If you can't get a move on things and generate more revenue, then you'll be part of the bailout program.  I hate to threaten you but it is what it is."

What a nice bastard huh?  Nothing like his daily daily OM motivation shit.  I mean why threaten?  Just "handle me" the way he thinks he should.  Oh wait, but then he wouldn't have anyone to run his company.  Oh, man.  Apparently I do some things right...

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, February 12, 2009 - 8:47 am

BOSS has this thing about being on time.  And rightfully so.  I mean, forget the fact that 70% of the time I don't leave my office for lunch.  I don't even leave my desk chair if I have to pee because I know I will get the "see me" or "call me" note left on my chair (see post from yesterdery).

On any given morning, EVERY MORNING, today for example, I walk into my office at 8:33.  There is a message on my voicemail left at 8:31 from BOSS wondering where i am and why am I not answering the phone.  I ignore it.  I usually do.

So i begin checking my emails and the phone rings.  The sales line!  YIPPEE finally some business this week.  I am having a great conversation, developing a relationship, feeling the potential of a new client, then my other line rings.  It's BOSS.  I don't answer it, because I am on the phone.

Then 30 seconds later he calls again.  Then I hear my name being paged on the PA throughout the office.  I ignore.

Then an email comes through.  A forward with the words "CALL ME x0000" - extension changed to protect identity.  I ignore.  Then another email two minutes later "ARE YOU THERE?" in the subject line, sent at 8:38 am.  

So I finally reply to the email and say "ON PHONE CHILL OUT" to which he replies "WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT, ME OR SALES? : ) " - SMILEY FACE!!!!!  WHAT????????????????

I ignored.  Then a follow up email at 8:50 am: "Call me right away I need to talk to you".  So I will be right back.  I am not going to finish this post until I call him and see what is so important.

Stand by... it's now 8:55 tick tick tick...

.... okay that took a little longer than i expected.  So the call lasted 6 minutes.  It was another seinfeld call (a call about nothing) anyway, he asked his signature "so what's going on anything?" - that's all he wanted.  It was SO urgent that I talk to him, but there was nothing.  So we talked for a few minutes about how he might have to let go of my assistant because money is tight and business is slow.  He did say "and i can't lose you so i need to fugure it all out" - WOW!  i think the heart was shining through.  Only for a minute, then it went back inside.

Now i have a list of crap to do that I won't get done because he'll call me a million times today to ask me about nothing, wasting most of my day.  The only benefit to him not in the office today is me parking in his spot.  And the chinese food lunch I am having today with my friend "Constance."

Cheers.

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unbelievable.  I get up to take a piss.  I leave my office for less than TWO MINUTES.  I get back and there is a note on my desk chair with the words scribbled "CALL ME".

So I call him and he says "i don't remember why i called you.  Don't you have anything to do?" 

The best was that I made a call and he can tell when I am on the phone because he has rigged his phone in his office to light up when I am on a call.  So he dials me and puts it on call-back.  Meaning, the moment I hang up with anyone my phone will ring him automatically.

So again, calling him and he says "what did you want?" to which I replied "you called me".

The really sad thing is, this occurs about 10 to 12 times throughout the work day.  I can't make this up even if you paid me.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009 - 2:50 pm

So the pig comes into my office and says "you really need to work harder and bring in some new business. I have to dip into my reserves to pay you."

Just an hour earlier he calls me into his office to tell me that he had breakfast with an old friend who is a business consultant and he told BOSS that "nobody is spending money.  it's bad out there.  it's hitting everyone."

Umm, hello dementia.  You there?

FYI, "BOSS" is what I refer to him as...

Some time last week

My boyfriend and I are taking an amazing trip to Hong Kong next month.  My BOSS says "oh, are you going with your little friend?  the one who's picture is on your facebook?" 

I said yes.  And he says "You people have it so good.  You have such freedoms.  You can be a gay democrat and all.  So why do you want to get married?  I mean, not you personally, but your people?"  I just don't get it.

Well, I guess there isn't much to comment on that one, or is there?

Wednesday, February 11, 2009 - 2:30 pm

So my boss is an ultra-conservative bush-loving old school republican who thinks gays should live on an island and black people are dumb. 

My assistant, let's call him "Christian" is of african decent.  I think he's a great guy.  He is a part time employee of ours and is in school full time.  So pardon him for not really learning everything the way the BOSS wants expects it, when he only works 12 hours a week and is never given clear instructions.  (It's his first office job!)

Christian emails me and says "BOSS emailed me a bunch of files to put on the network, is there anything I need to do with them first?" - I just said "hmm, if he didn't say anything in the email to you, then I guess not." - Well, he has access to the network from home.  Was there any specific reason why BOSS couldn't just put the god damn files on the server???  NO!  

When I briefed BOSS that Christian asked me what to do with them, BOSS replies "well, does he have a brain?  If he does, ask him if he knows how to use it." I didn't.  I left it alone.

It's a good think I didn't create this blog back in November when BOSS was calling Christian "BARACK OBAMA" because of the color of his skin.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009 - 11 AM

Today my boss tells me that since he is retiring and buying out the division of the firm that I manage, he is taking me with him.  

I've worked for this firm for the greater part of nine years.  Full 401k with 100% match, a decent, and really on paper a decent salary, good insurance, vacation and sick time, you name it.

I am told now because he is retiring from the partnership that because I am going with him, I have to move my office to the other side of town, making my commute WORSE than it already is, I will no longer be paid by the firm as of next month, and I won't have any of the "fringe" benefits that I've come to enjoy (umm, earned!) over the years.

What kind of shit is that?  Who does that?  And to boot, no raise, cost of living increase, stipend for my own health coverage.  WTF???  Did I wake up in a parallel world or something?  Does anybody else think this is wrong?

Clearly I haven't agreed to anything and will continue to follow the offer letter the firm gave to me and I signed.  And until he provides me a new offer letter or some kind of agreement, I ain't goin' nowhere!

Has anybody else had this type of problem?  If you think that's rich, read on... I'll be adding to this frequently to stay sane.

Welcome to the greatest blog ever!

I have finally decided to e-vent my frustration with work, my boss in particular.  Now I know in these troubled times who the hell has the right to bitch about work?  Well, screw that.  If you are treated like shit, you talk shit.

So I invite anyone and everyone to read my posts, comment on them and leave your own experiences here. Let's share.  Let's support each other.  It's just one more avenue to vent with people without your boss finding out, at least I hope!

Cheers!

- tired of being treated like shit (or as i will always sign my postings, TOBTLS)